I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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