i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
