she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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