I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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