Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
