Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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