it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
