Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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