I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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