Kiss
Puke
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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