Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
