Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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