Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
