Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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