Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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