Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
