It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
