so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
