google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
