Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My vagina just recognized that song.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We don't watch enough power rangers
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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