how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
