I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
