forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
