So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize