i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
