I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
