She said her name was "party"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
