I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
