I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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