Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
