I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
