I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
