Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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