Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
