i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
