ugly people sure do ruin things
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
