You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
