We're like a lot better than the average bears
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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