Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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