Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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