I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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