is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
