I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
