neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
