For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
