sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
