I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He felt like a one man threesome
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
