I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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