At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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