Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
