She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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