Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
