Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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