Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Enjoy the penises
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
