I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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