is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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