My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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