So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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