I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
