i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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