How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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