he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
