I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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