My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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