I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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